I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
