hotel room ftw
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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