You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
