Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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