a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
