i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
