And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
