there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize