would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
