4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
