so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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