do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
