I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
