Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
