It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
