I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
