I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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