If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
