Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
