your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
