She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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