he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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