...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
