She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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