He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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