If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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