you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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