I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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