I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
