He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
