When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Small penises have feelings too.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
