i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
