All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
