I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
