Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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