I am spending my child support on dildos
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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