Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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