so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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