can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
