I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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