my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
