Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
