how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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