Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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