It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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