Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
