I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
