If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
