dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
