CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
